Bookwyrm

You know, for someone who professes to love reading so much, I can’t remember the last time I actually finished a book.

Part of it is due to my hectic busy schedule.  I’m with Joe on Wed, Fri, Sat and then Sun mornings.  I’m with Moon Sun evening, and Thurs evening.  Granted, that leaves my afternoons, and Mon/Tues evening.  Lately, however, I’ve been playing a lot of console/PC games. 

I’m afraid I am setting a bad example for the kid. 

Books ARE important to me.  I really hope she picks up the love of reading I do have.  But so far, all I am showing her is games. 

She’ll pick up a love of gaming from her Uncle Joe; she doesn’t need me to reinforce that. 

Guess I’ll just have to force myself to read more.   Oh, no.  What torture

Recently, Joe announced he would be running a My Life With Master session using Google Wave. As a friend/partner, he invited me to join in. There was never a question of having enough players; he thought I would enjoy the experience. I looked up at him from my cozy nest on the couch and asked “Is there loot?”

I am obsessed with loot. In a recent D&D campaign, Joe added insignificant loot to the dungeons just for my pleasure. In DDO, I am ecstatic by the idea that my silver, gold, and platinum is just piling up. In Overlord, my favorite part was the gold vault that would increase as your wealth increased. And in a recent episode of Leverage, Parker – the character I identify with most – has a minor orgasm over the sight of a cargo container filled with cash.

I like loot. I like the fantasy that I have money. I like the sight of piles of cold hard cash just laying there. I can be bought, I am easy but not cheap, and I have a serious problem with letting my lovers spoil me. I can’t say no.

I just like loot.

It is day 9 of my Life Without Dew experiment, with no end in sight. 

Even now, I’m not sure why I am doing this.  My family has experienced an increase in the amount of grumpiness from me, but so far no one has suffered any undue effects.  Well, no one but me.  I’ve given myself headaches censoring the words I want to say, but catch before they leave my mouth.  Outwardly I am mostly friendly and happy, but inwardly I am seething ready to boil over. 

So, why do I continue this?  I suspect in a large part it is stubbornness.  I look at this like a contest of wills – and to give in would be to give up.  I assume this is how addicts feel when they give up their substance, (un)fortunately I have no experience to compare this with. 

Moon’s girlfriend was over last night, so I spent the night with Iris and Joe.  Tonight I’ll be back home, and I’m looking forward to locking myself in the middle bedroom to have some quiet time to myself.

I love my family, but everyone needs some time to themselves.

It is the 9th of November, and I’m about 7 blogs behind in the NaBloPoMo.  In my defense, I didn’t find out about it until last Friday – but neither did I blog this weekend. 

Joe and I went to the zoo on Saturday morning.  Joe and Iris bought us a family membership to the zoo, which meant that Joe and I could go, see what we wanted to see, and leave 2 hours later without feeling guilty for how much it cost to get in.  I spent an hour in front of the aquarium, which always relaxes me.  It is a very Zen moment, watching the ebb and flow of the fish, losing myself in the peace of that instant.  After this past week, I really needed it.  Once I felt sufficiantly calm, Joe and I left to go see the Manatees which he’d never seen in real life, and then the reptile house.  At the Manatee house, Joe pointed at the sign that said “Manatee Camp” and asked if that was where they held the Bonfire of the Manatees.  In the reptile house, Joe took about a bazillion pictures of turtles, and I got to experience the joy of showing them to him.  Unfortunately, the tortoises were indoors for the season, but at least he was able to see some turtles.  (He was particularly enthusiastic about a pair who were trying to mate.)  That afternoon, we spent the day playing DDO and just enjoying being together.  I’m very spoiled by my Saturdays with him.

Sunday, I was back at home with Moonwyrm and our kid.  It was mostly a lazy, happy, silly day.  We had our XBOX back from Iris and Joe, so there was a minor scuffle over the controller to see who would get to play Shadow Complex.  Later, Moon taught our 7y/o how to play Shadow Complex.  Just what we needed – another addict in the family.   Joe and I played more DDO, and attempted a VERY frustrating dungeon run.  Granted, it did warn us it was an “extreme encounter”, but we felt we could handle it with our hirelings.  Sometimes, the deaths were stupid and instant, such as falling in to the acid lake.  Other times, it was because the impatient rogue couldn’t wait, and got slaughtered by too many mobs.  Of course, the quest reward wasn’t worth the gold we spent on repairs, but at least we finished it!

Well, the site is up and running once again.  Unfortunately, my sys admin was unable to recover the old blog, so once again I am faced with the daunting task of writing the dreaded First Post.

And I have nothing to say.

I decided this morning – on a whim believe it or not! – to give up Mountain Dew.  Those who know me, know my addiction and love for that fount of cold, sugary caffeine goodness.  I need it to get through the day, and not kill my family, my coworkers, or basically anyone else I come into contact with.  I need it to turn me from the zombie who has just dragged herself out of bed, bleary-eyed, into a semi-functioning, semi-human.  I need it to give me that rush of satisfaction and joy that can only come from that first sip of that cool ambrosia.

I keep asking for stock in PepsiCo for Christmas, but no one takes me seriously.  I don’t know why not.

So, I’m not sure why I decided to give it up.  Joe intimated it could be an offshoot of my tendency to need to control things, and to prove I was in control of my life.  That’s nuts.  I know who controls me.

I know it will be healthier, but I’m not sure I really care about that aspect of it.  I’m overweight, and while I know it is not healthy, I also know I will never be at that “healthy” weight.  I just enjoy food too much.

So… why give it up?  Why suffer the caffeine-withdraw headaches, and the grouchiness, and the exhaustion that I know will overcome me as the days go on?

Hell if I know.

Maybe I’m just crazy.